20070905 Song of the South: No grits, no glory

Song of the South: No grits, no glory

Note: This column first appeared in the Westminster Eagle on August 1^st, 2007. Since it ran I have had several requests for copies… This is a longer version of that column. It is cross posted on my Westminster Eagle blog. "The Winchester Report":

Winchester Report: Song of the South: No grits, no glory

(Also see: “20070802 Welcome to the Outer Banks Grits Grill”)

Please enjoy.

08/01/07 – September 5^th, 2007 By Kevin E. Dayhoff

Recently, my family ventured on our annual sojourn south. It's a combination family reunion and vacation, as folks rendezvous from literally all over the world to a house with its very own ZIP code in Nags Head, N.C.

Many are aware of North Carolina's Outer Banks as a family values-oriented destination of sun, beach and unhurried afternoons reading a book -- not to mention the leisurely romantic walks on the beach at sunset.

But of course, the real reason I like to go is to watch the Tour de France and the readily-available access to the most northern reaches of the "Georgia Ice Cream" belt ... which runs from Louisiana to North Carolina.

What's that, you ask? What is "Georgia Ice Cream?" Honey child, I am so glad you asked. It's perhaps the most misunderstood of Southern delicacies: grits.

Many folks from Carroll County are not familiar with grits -- and that's a crying shame. The South is known for its gentile politeness and friendliness, and there's little doubt that there's direct cause and affect between being accommodating and friendly and the consumption of grits.

Indeed, the state of South Carolina decreed grits its "state food" in 1973. The reverential state declaration proclaimed, in part, that, "grits could very well play a vital role in the future of not only this state, but also the world."

You may very well consider standing, placing your hand on your heart, and re-reading the previous sentence.

In the past, northerners have come up with many well-documented ways of annoying southerners. Lengthy historic and economic dissertations will give the uninformed a certain insight that disagreements over the manufacture and distribution of grits could be considered one of the causes of the “War of Northern Aggression.”

But one of the best sure-fire ways of having “Fort Sumter moment” is to suggest, gasp, that grits is somewhat akin to cream of wheat. Not.

In 1952, the Charleston News and Courier proclaimed that grits, "an inexpensive, simple and thoroughly digestible food, should be made popular throughout the world. Given enough of it, the inhabitants of planet Earth would have nothing to fight about. A man full of (grits) is a man of peace."

The singular noun, "grits" has its roots from the Old English word, "grytta" meaning a coarse meal of any kind.

Native Americans introduced ground maize -- grits -- to the early English settlers many hundreds of years ago when the colonists were illegal aliens and did not speak the language of the land.

Outside the South, folks attempt to make the word "grits" plural. Not so. Consider the word, spaghetti, which is considered to be plural in form but takes a singular verb. (One does not, for example, write "spaghetti are.") Anytime you hear "grits are good," that is a sure-fire sign you're dealing with a Yankee who is not properly schooled in the fine art of grits.

According to one of my holiest Outer Banks destinations, the Grits Grill: "There are two basic types: corn grits and hominy grits. Corn grits (is) made from dried, milled corn kernels. Hominy grits (is) made by soaking corn in lye water for several days and then dried."

Of course, it's worth mentioning that the Grits Grill also serves another Southern delicacy, Krispy Kreme Donuts.

Many folks consider grits to be solely a breakfast food. Wrong. Grits is good for breakfast, lunch or dinner. In the traditional South, grits automatically comes with breakfast. Once while traveling in the South, I specifically asked for an order of grits. The waitress glanced at me sideways and chewed her gum at a faster pace as she decreed, "Honey, grits just comes."

Many folks simply eat grits with a touch of salt and butter. Of course the real grits aficionado eats 'em smothered with bacon grease with their pinkie finger extended. I like grits mixed lightly ... with steak and eggs over-light. Please consult your cardiologist for additional consumption instructions.

As you can now easily understand, in a world pre-occupied with conflict and environmental perils, if more grits were served at mealtime, this food of love and peace could very well save the planet.

The Carroll County commissioners should consider passing an ordinance requiring, at a minimum, grits be served in all county restaurants for six months prior to all elections. They should certainly be served at all public hearings.

The Maryland General Assembly might consider going one-step further than South Carolina and passing legislation requiring grits to be a mandatory menu item in all state restaurants.

No grits, no glory.

Have you ever heard of folks arguing while sharing a meal of grits? I rest my case. At the Westminster Eagle, all we are saying is:

Give grits a chance.

Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster, and welcomes recipe ideas for grits.

E-mail him at kdayhoff AT carr DOT org or kevindayhoff AT gmail DOT com

www.kevindayhoff.net

His columns appear in The Tentacle, www.thetentacle.com; Westminster Eagle Opinion www.thewestminstereagle.com and Winchester Report.