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Hideous Man-Beast Washes Up On Shore Of Municipal Pool

Hideous Man-Beast Washes Up On Shore Of Municipal Pool

July 10, 2009 Issue 45•28

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/hideous_man_beast_washes_up_on

SEWARD, NE—Responding to complaints about an awful stench, local lifeguard Matt Frieze, 26, discovered what appeared to be the bloated body of a repulsive man-beast that had mysteriously washed up on the shore of the Dowding Municipal Pool Monday.

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Onlookers were horrified at the sight of the massive, possibly amphibious monster

Frieze, who found the unidentified monstrosity sprawled out on the concrete at approximately 2:30 p.m., said he attempted to inspect the bizarre creature but was repelled by the sight of the putrid mass of flesh and hair.

"I've never seen anything like it before," said Frieze, adding that he first assumed it was just a pile of rotting sewage until he noticed its lower extremities were partially covered by what appeared to be a denim garment. "It looked like some kind of decomposing manatee with these horrible teeth and a face like…."

"Oh my God, I think I'm going to be sick," Frieze added.

Read the entire article here: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/hideous_man_beast_washes_up_on

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WBAL: Phelps Suspended By USA Swimming; Kellogg's To Drop Phelps

Phelps Suspended By USA Swimming; Kellogg's To Drop Phelps

Michael Phelps won't be able to compete for the next three months, because of the pictures released showing him smoking a marijuana pipe. The decision by USA Swimming comes hours after Kellogg's announced that it will end its contract with Phelps at the end of the month. Phelps' picture had been appearing on the front of various Kellogg's cereal boxes.
[…]

Michael Phelps has been suspended from competition for three months by USA Swimming, the latest fallout from a photo that showed the Olympic great inhaling from a marijuana pipe.
[…]

Phelps says he has been bombarded for interviews. He also spoke today to TMZ.Com.

Phelps Suspended By USA Swimming; Kellogg's To Drop Phelps
Thursday, February 05, 2009 WBAL Radio as reported by Robert Lang, WBAL-TV and Associated Press

Related Articles

Back In Baltimore For Michael Phelps (Thursday, September 25, 2008)
Michael Phelps Apologizes For Photo (Sunday, February 01, 2009)
Two Of Phelps Sponsors Stand Behind Olympian (Monday, February 02, 2009)
SC Sheriff Says He May Bring Charges Against Phelps (Tuesday, February 03, 2009)
Michael Phelps Tells Newspaper He May Not Compete In 2012 (Wednesday, February 04, 2009)

20090205 Phelps Suspended By USA Swimming

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20061127 An incredible story about an amazing swimmer

An incredible story about an amazing swimmer

November 27th, 2006

For more on this story, please see Crablaw’s post.

For a related post, please see, "2oo61127 Be the best you can be,"

or posts on Carroll County 4-H Therapeutic Riding.

Top photo: Paralympian Jessica Long holds multiple swimming world records. "I like being chased," she says. (Sun photo by Doug Kapustin) Nov 17, 2006 For the Related story, please see: Catch me if you can in the Baltimore Sun.

Bottom photo: Paralympian Jessica Long, 14, of Middle River, holds multiple swimming world records. "I like being chased," she says. (Sun photo by Doug Kapustin) Nov 27, 2006

“Catch me if you can,” From the Baltimore Sun By Paul McMullen, Sun reporter, November 27, 2006

At 14, Jessica Long of Middle River is winning gold and setting records with the U.S. Paralympic swim team

Jessica Long's proficiency in the pool is apparent after a few strokes. Bobbing up and down on the breaststroke, she's indistinguishable from the practice partners in her lane, but something seems missing from her otherwise impeccable freestyle form.

The less splash swimmers make with their hands, the faster they go, but Long's kick leaves a curiously scant trail.

The 14-year-old from Middle River has mastered the pull and push of water well enough to set multiple world records, but her athleticism is fully comprehended only on the pool deck. A double amputee below the knees, Long walks on prosthetic legs.

On Thursday morning, Long left her parents and siblings for Thanksgiving in Chicago, joining the other members of the U.S. Paralympic swim team.

Read the rest of the story here.

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