May 28, 1997 Giant Lava Lamp discovered on Kevin Dayhoff’s farm

May 28, 1997 Giant Lava Lamp discovered on Kevin Dayhoff’s farm

Kevin E. Dayhoff    Buzzard’s Crust Farm   

Press Release - For immediate Publication May 28, 1997

Excavations on Kevin Dayhoff’s farm in Patapsco confirm the early development of a Giant Lava Lamp.

Recently, while tilling his wife Caroline’s vegetable garden, Mr. Kevin Dayhoff discovered traces of a Giant Lava Lamp on his farm in Patapsco, Maryland.  Mr. Dayhoff was quite excited at this discovery, and called the Patapsco Daily Herald Bugle immediately with the news. 

According to Mr. Dayhoff, in ancient Patapsco folklore, a Giant Lava Lamp was once the focal point of an ancient Patapscoian religion, which has persistently been rumored to still be secretly practiced in the hills of Patapsco. 

In this ancient religion, every residence maintained an altar, centered on a gazing ball, many of which can still be found in the area.  This gazing ball altar was used to communicate with the spirit of the Great Lava Lamp Father who resided in the Temple of the Great Lava Lamp. 

Pink Flamingoes, which are indigenous to the Patapsco area, were considered to be the messenger bird of the Great Lava Lamp Father.  Pink Flamingoes are now on the endangered species list and, where their nests of inverted tractor tires are found, by law they cannot be disturbed. 

It is hoped that further excavations will provide insight into the culture of the Carthaginians who settled Patapsco after the Third Punic War in 206 BC.  The archeologists are curious if the Great Lava Lamp religion is something that the Carthaginians brought over with them or if it was a religion of the Petapsqui tribe of Native Americans known to have inhabited the Patapsco area, or perhaps a mixture of both.  As further research develops we will keep you informed.

 Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/

Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/) http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff

Scribd Kevin Dayhoff: http://www.scribd.com/kdayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/kevindayhoff Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff Banana Stems: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/ Gizmo's: http://www.gizmosart.com/dayhoff.html

Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

Environmental Affairs Advisory Board Rediscovered on the County Staff DisOrganized ReOrganizational Chart

Environmental Affairs Advisory Board Rediscovered on the County Staff DisOrganized ReOrganizational Chart

April 9, 1999

Today, it was disclosed exactly where the Environmental Affairs Advisory Board would soon be restored to the County Staff disorganized reorganizational chart.

…..Attendance of all County Staff was mandatory at a ceremony at the fountain in front of the County Office Building as high Carroll County Government officials announced stringent new regulations developed to stem the alarming rise of environmental activism in the community. One official was overheard to say: "Environmentalists get emotional and that leads to overkill in the regulation department."

Meanwhile, at a secret, undisclosed location……………………………………

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Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://www.westgov.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/kevindayhoff Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1040426835

Kevin Dayhoff Art: www.kevindayhoff.com (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/)

19990320 My Locational Whereabouts

My Locational Whereabouts

Kevin E. Dayhoff

Westminster, MD 21158

______________________

Saturday, March 20, 1999

Commander Kay Church, Receptionist

225 North Center Street

Westminster, MD 21157-5194

410.386.2102

Dear Commander Kay,

Oh!, Ah, ummmm, Kay - It seems that I’m lost. Recently, I seem to have been dropped off the office building radar screen - on my head. I’ve gone off to find me. If you should happen to find me, could you please tell me where it is that I am. Right now, I may be losing, but I’m making record time.

Meanwhile, please hold all my calls, should I ever again be found on the County Staff reorganized organizational chart, other than under a rock, face down in Longwell Run desperately hugging a bunny with a clump of unopened resignation letters waded up in my mouth. If Hillary Clinton calls, take a message.

If you should find me aimlessly wondering about the halls of the office building, with a shell shock look about my unshaven face, staggering, stuttering, slobbering and muttering to myself, please direct me to safety; - preferably someplace where chocolate covered doughnuts can be found.

Should you, ever hear a voice similar to mine, disseminating from the close proximity of a pounding sound on the inside a trash truck, would you please consider stopping the truck and saving me from the landfill?

In case I am ultimately ground up into veggie burger and fed to the bog turtles, allow me to share with you what a pleasure it has been to serve under you. Thanks !

Sincerely yours,

Uncle Kevin

Remember Kay, always keep your salad shooter at the ready!!

Carroll County Commissioners, Environmentalism EAAB - Carroll County Environmental Affairs Advisory Board, Art literature of the absurd,