Hideous Man-Beast Washes Up On
July 10, 2009 Issue 45•28
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/hideous_man_beast_washes_up_on
SEWARD, NE—Responding to complaints about an awful stench, local lifeguard Matt Frieze, 26, discovered what appeared to be the bloated body of a repulsive man-beast that had mysteriously washed up on the shore of the Dowding Municipal Pool Monday.
Onlookers were horrified at the sight of the massive, possibly amphibious monster
Frieze, who found the unidentified monstrosity sprawled out on the concrete at approximately 2:30 p.m., said he attempted to inspect the bizarre creature but was repelled by the sight of the putrid mass of flesh and hair.
"I've never seen anything like it before," said Frieze, adding that he first assumed it was just a pile of rotting sewage until he noticed its lower extremities were partially covered by what appeared to be a denim garment. "It looked like some kind of decomposing manatee with these horrible teeth and a face like…."
"Oh my God, I think I'm going to be sick," Frieze added.
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