Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art One-half Banana Stems

Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art One-half Banana Stems - www.kevindayhoff.com Address: PO Box 124, Westminster MD 21158 410-259-6403 kevindayhoff@gmail.com Runner, writer, artist, fire & police chaplain Mindless ramblings of a runner, journalist & artist: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, technology, music, culture, opera... National & International politics www.kevindayhoff.net For community: www.kevindayhoff.org For art, technology, writing, & travel: www.kevindayhoff.com

Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 01, 2019

Christopher Ingraham – Washington Post: “I ordered a box of crickets…”

Christopher Ingraham – Washington Post: “I ordered a box of crickets…”

This story is too fun: “I ordered a box of crickets from the Internet and it went about as well as you’d expect,” by Christopher Ingraham December 29, 2018 in the Washington Post. Find it here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2018/12/29/i-ordered-box-crickets-internet-it-went-about-well-youd-expect/?utm_term=.a0a393b763f6 

“For Christmas this year, my family adopted a young bearded dragon lizard as a pet.

“Our dragon, whom we named Holly, eats a lot, and the thing she loves to eat most is crickets (typically about 10 a day, in addition to other things like mealworms and vegetables). From the get-go, I knew that keeping an ample supply of crickets on hand would require some planning. We live in a rural area of northwestern Minnesota. The closest pet shop is an hour away, in North Dakota. Restocking our cricket supply would require a time commitment of at least two hours out and back.

“By Christmas Day this year, Holly’s cricket supply was running low. I decided to order crickets online, which I had never done before, to save a trip to North Dakota. I bought the crickets from Fluker Farms, one of the more well-established online insect vendors (yes, these exist and there are a lot of them). I decided on a shipment of 250 crickets …” Read much more here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2018/12/29/i-ordered-box-crickets-internet-it-went-about-well-youd-expect/?utm_term=.a0a393b763f6 

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Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera...

Carroll County Times: www.tinyurl.com/KED-CCT
Baltimore Sun Carroll Eagle: http://tinyurl.com/KED-Sun
Westminster Fire Dept. and MTA Lodge #20 Chaplain and PIO
Ad maiorem Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem.
The assemblage of this website is from multiple sources - http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/2004/01/the-assemblage-of-this-website-is-from.html

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Living and loving in the age of asparagus

Living and loving in the age of asparagus
Or - Mary Katherine Ham to Alicia Silverstone: Go Hunting
October 3rd, 2007 by Kevin E. Dayhoff

Although I have spent a large portion of my life as a vegetarian; as I grew older and life got particularly hectic, I gave it up – for now anyway. Who knows, tomorrow, I may go back. Whatever.

A number of years ago, as I was attempting to reason with an unreasonable person and losing miserably, a colleague said to me:

“You know what your problem is?”

“Ugh.” I really did not need advice at that particular moment; however, I prized his friendship and sheepishly asked: “What?”

“It's a dog eat dog world out there, and you're a vegetarian!"

We solved that by going out to a sub shop where I gave up the anorexic bliss of salads and voraciously scarfed down a cheese-steak sandwich.

It was a road to Damascus experience

I still lose miserably with folks who accept narcissistic fiction as fact, however, I am bigger now, and I figure that if I am to eaten alive, I might as well give folks a flavorful super-sized meal.

Then again, to be candid, I was never good at being a vegetarian. I never stopped eating animal crackers and every once and awhile at Moms, I’d dive into a steak – and I can rarely remember missing turkey at Thanksgiving.

I have a number of colleagues and some family members who are, at the moment, practicing vegetarians - and I respect that choice. Besides, I really like vegetables. Then there are folks who don’t like vegetables or are otherwise broccoli intolerant. To them I say, ya really ought to “give peas a chance.”

A member of my family, who is an avid vegetarian, recently gave some seafood a try. Bold.

Then again, writing for the Washington Post, Joel Achenbach says that:

“Certain kinds of seafood, such as lobster, clams, and crabs, are honorary forms of meat, but a small filet of a low-fat white fish should be viewed as essentially a vegetable. Raw oysters are manfood, as is any fish served with the head on and the mouth gaping in horror.

Me, I could live off of Dr. Pepper, coffee and grits. Hey, don’t knock the cooking with Dr. Pepper book. There are some great recipes in there.

I never tried the “vegan” approach. I often wondered how the term came about. When I was quite young I had a great deal of confusion over the term “vegetarian.” If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Mr. Achenbach calls to our attention a savior for vegans, who every once in awhile, go Jonesing for a milkshake – “soy cows.”

In the column he was initially singing the praises of his new “Fabulator 5000.”

What is a “Fabulator 5000?” I am so glad you asked. I was fascinated about this development since I am still using the Fabulator model No. 1953.

I’ll let Mr. Achenbach ‘splain:

“I love my new food printer, the Fabulator 5000, which makes the previous food printers look not just clunky but positively medieval. There's no more click-and-point nonsense on the screen, no more waiting five or six interminable minutes for the food to print. You just tell the Fab 5 what you want. The food comes out in about three or four seconds, complete with garnish and a complementary wine.”

Oh, the “soy cows?” Apparently Mr. Achenbach recently “took the kids … to Homewood Farm to see a good old-fashioned agricultural enterprise…”

“I got a look at the new soy cows, grazing in the large field just north of the orchard. The USDA apparently felt that soy milk could be produced much more efficiently if it came from cows made of soy. These cows are so green they nearly blend into the landscape. They say the soy milk is a lot better tasting (not as beany, somehow) than the stuff derived from plants, and the soy burgers are more tender. But you've probably read about how the soy cows dry up badly in drought conditions -- they literally wilt -- and even catch fire. Bored teenagers have been blamed for setting some of the cow fires.”

There is much to be appreciated by the vegetarian lifestyle; nevertheless my goal was to not be evangelical about it all.

But – and ya know there was going to be a “but” in here soon – I’ve never been fond of PETA’s Strindbergian gloom and bleakness approach to advocacy. 

When I was a practicing vegetarian, invariably, some folks would suggest some linkage to me, a vegetarian, with PETA’s in-your-face humorless lactose intolerant militancy which often seems more oriented to being obnoxious and annoying than being compelling a persuasive to what is otherwise, a perfectly fine lifestyle.

At a local government - social event, a local elected official’s wife was horrified that I was a vegetarian. “How can a big strapping former Marine be a vegetarian,” she gasped.

I solved that in quick order. She was a dog lover and the owner of a huge St. Bernard. I mean huge – about the size of a water buffalo.

I asked her if she had ever eaten dog. When I was in the Marines, a South Vietnamese ranger once cooked-up a mess of dog.

It tasted like chicken.

I suggested to my scowling friend that her St. Bernard could feed an entire village… And one wonders why I lost my last election?

Recently Alicia Silverstone did an ad for PETA that has garnered a garnered a great deal of attention. I can’t believe that it is winning over any converts to vegetarianism, but it has attracted attention to PETA.

Whether it is really the sort of attention that an advocacy organization wants is a bigger issue for which there is not right or wrong, it just isn’t my cup of tea.

Nevertheless, in age of so much strife and discord, I yearn for a time when peas will rule the planets, and love won’t be such a fuss. I long for the dawn of the age of asparagus.

Enter stage right, Mary Katherine Ham. Ms. Ham has done a spoof on the Ms. Silverstone ad that is a real crack-up.




####

No animals were hurt in the writing of this column.
Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster Maryland USA.
His columns and articles appear in the Baltimore Sun
And the Carroll County Times


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Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/
New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/


Scribd Kevin Dayhoff: http://www.scribd.com/kdayhoff
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Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ 


Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson: “That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!” - See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

You’re why I have a moat.


You’re why I have a moat.

[20051226 You are why I have a moat]
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Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/
New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/


Scribd Kevin Dayhoff: http://www.scribd.com/kdayhoff
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Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson: “That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!” - See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Writer’s Block: “As editor for a major publishing house, my advice to aspiring writers is to give up now…”



Writer’s Block: “As editor for a major publishing house, my advice to aspiring writers is to give up now…”
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Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/




New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/


Scribd Kevin Dayhoff: http://www.scribd.com/kdayhoff
Kevin Dayhoff's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/kevindayhoff

Kevin Dayhoff Banana Stems: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/ 

Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ 


Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson: “That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!” - See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf

Friday, June 05, 2015

Top Ten Tips: How to survive a relationship with a writer #partylikeajournalist


Top Ten Tips: How to survive a relationship with a writer #partylikeajournalist

I love #6… #5 is also really important. But #4 has always made me wonder.

Is there anything else to add?

The image is attributed to www.writerswrite.co.za. A big thanks to www.writerswrite.co.za - which is, fascinatingly enough, a website that offers writing classes in South Africa. What a great idea. Sign me up for a class. And btw, the website is really good. Check it out.

http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/2015/06/top-ten-tips-how-to-survive.html 
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Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/




New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/


Scribd Kevin Dayhoff: http://www.scribd.com/kdayhoff
Kevin Dayhoff's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/kevindayhoff

Kevin Dayhoff Banana Stems: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/ 

Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ 


Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson: “That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!” - See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Conservative Acquaintance Annoyingly Not Racist | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Conservative Acquaintance Annoyingly Not Racist | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

NEWS IN BRIEF • Local • ISSUE 50•06 • Feb 11, 2014

http://www.theonion.com/articles/conservative-acquaintance-annoyingly-not-racist,35236/#

"BROOKLYN, NY—Acknowledging that the man’s right-wing views are more nuanced than one might expect, 36-year-old liberal Diana Hardwick confided to reporters Tuesday that her conservative acquaintance Brady Daniels is, quite frustratingly, not racist."

Read more: http://www.theonion.com/articles/conservative-acquaintance-annoyingly-not-racist,35236/#

'via Blog this'
 Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/

Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff

Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Looks like home to me.


March 8th, 2008


Looks like home to me.

 Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/
Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff
Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

May 28, 1997 Giant Lava Lamp discovered on Kevin Dayhoff’s farm


May 28, 1997 Giant Lava Lamp discovered on Kevin Dayhoff’s farm

Kevin E. Dayhoff    Buzzard’s Crust Farm   
Press Release - For immediate Publication May 28, 1997

Excavations on Kevin Dayhoff’s farm in Patapsco confirm the early development of a Giant Lava Lamp.

Recently, while tilling his wife Caroline’s vegetable garden, Mr. Kevin Dayhoff discovered traces of a Giant Lava Lamp on his farm in Patapsco, Maryland.  Mr. Dayhoff was quite excited at this discovery, and called the Patapsco Daily Herald Bugle immediately with the news. 

According to Mr. Dayhoff, in ancient Patapsco folklore, a Giant Lava Lamp was once the focal point of an ancient Patapscoian religion, which has persistently been rumored to still be secretly practiced in the hills of Patapsco. 

In this ancient religion, every residence maintained an altar, centered on a gazing ball, many of which can still be found in the area.  This gazing ball altar was used to communicate with the spirit of the Great Lava Lamp Father who resided in the Temple of the Great Lava Lamp. 

Pink Flamingoes, which are indigenous to the Patapsco area, were considered to be the messenger bird of the Great Lava Lamp Father.  Pink Flamingoes are now on the endangered species list and, where their nests of inverted tractor tires are found, by law they cannot be disturbed. 


It is hoped that further excavations will provide insight into the culture of the Carthaginians who settled Patapsco after the Third Punic War in 206 BC.  The archeologists are curious if the Great Lava Lamp religion is something that the Carthaginians brought over with them or if it was a religion of the Petapsqui tribe of Native Americans known to have inhabited the Patapsco area, or perhaps a mixture of both.  As further research develops we will keep you informed.

 Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/
Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff
Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Stunning images from Mars



Beautiful and incredible images from the latest batch of photographs sent back from the Mars Curiosity rover.

First color photos sent home from Mars

Breaking news – August 22, 2012 - “After two weeks of taking stock of its surroundings, the Mars Curiosity rover has taken its first ‘baby steps’ and sent back images of its first tracks ...,” according to various media sources.

And the first images are simply stunning. The slogan, in the middle of the large banner, is written in Southern Martian, an old dialect on the red planet. “Yankee Imperialist Go Home” means “Yankee Imperialist Go Home.”


 Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/
Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff
Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Free Speech Freedom Motivator




I may not agree with what you say but, but I respect your right to be punished for it.

This should be the motto for the writers at The Tentacle www.thetentacle.com 

Hat Tip: to Matthew G. Saroff at “40 years in The Desert” who gave credit to JR at the Stellar Parthenon BBS


[20120107 freedomdemotivator]



 Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/
Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff
Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Stephen Colbert 2011 Commencement Speech at Northwestern University

Stephen Colbert 2011 Commencement Speech at Northwestern University

http://youtu.be/m6tiaooiIo0



Saturday, February 27, 2010

20060914 Klingon Wedding

Klingon Wedding
http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2006/09/20060914-klingon-wedding.html

Several really neat members of my family are getting married next spring. And me – the artist uncle, has been making some really helpful suggestions throughout the wedding preparations…

I mean, advancing age allows me the wisdom of having the memories of a number of memorable weddings.

(One of the most memorable was at the top of the World Trade Twin Towers in New York…)

Anyway, I came across a great idea for a thematic wedding. What better than a Klingon Wedding.

Whadda ya think. I mean it’s just a really helpful suggestion.

Ah - - you wouldn’t have to do the actual ceremony in the Klingon language. Then again, that might be a great idea.

Anyone know of a pastor or a rabbi who speaks Klingon?

OoooKaaay. I’ll just get back to work here now that I have been so helpful.

Oh, don’t mention it. Anytime.

Love you guys.

Uncle Kevin

Babylon Family Mr. Smurf, Dayhoff personal, Erratum Klingon(s), Humor


Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster Maryland USA. E-mail him at: kdayhoff@carr.org http://www.thetentacle.com/ Westminster Eagle Opinion and Winchester Report http://www.thewestminstereagle.com/ http://www.kevindayhoff.com/

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

To My Darling Husband, I had a small accident with your pickup

--To My Darling Husband,

Before you return from your business trip, I just want you to know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XOXOXOXOXO

P.S. Your Girlfriend Called.


[20100112 sdsom Small accident with your PU]

Click here for a larger image: or here: http://twitpic.com/xtvoa http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/331034772/to-my-loving-husband-your-girlfriend-called-and-i

20100112 sdsom Small accident with your PU

http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2010/01/to-my-darling-husband-i-had-small.html http://tinyurl.com/y8ayltw

To my loving husband Your girlfriend called and I had a small accident with your pickup http://tinyurl.com/y8ayltw http://twitpic.com/xtvoa http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/331034772/to-my-loving-husband-your-girlfriend-called-and-i

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Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://www.westgov.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/