20060816 KDDC Xtreme Sheehan defends ugly sheep

“As many as one out of every three sheep are butt ugly,” further elaborated a spokesperson for the Foundation for Beautiful Sheep. © Rhoiders

Xtreme Sheehan defends ugly sheep

Rhoiders Crawford, Texas

Kant BeTrue, Staff reporter and photojournalist, Rhoiders

Monday, August 16, 2006

News recently reached Crawford Texas that Australian scientists have called on the country’s farmers to report any ugly sheep found in their flocks.

A campaign called “Xtreme Sheehan sheep” aims to study sheep with undesirable Sheehan-like wool features to unlock the genetic makeup of the prized merino and ensure production of its high quality fleece.

Upon hearing the news, Cindy Sheehan was outraged, “We’re the one getting fleeced.”

Ms. Sheehan, who has for over forty days and forty nights, been on a milkshake-for-worldpeace and misunderstood-terrorists fast, weakly rose from her cot in an almost Ghandi-like manner to say, “The Australian genocidal practices against sheep are just another example of the failed Bush international diplomacy. Now sheep around the world are going to hate us.”

As her followers knelt before her in hushed tones, Ms. Sheehan continued, “That lying bastard, George Bush. You get that maniac out here to talk with me. My son died for oil. He died to make your friends richer. He died to expand American imperialism in the Middle East – and now Australia. He died to make sheep, worldwide free from the tyranny of the Bush administration.”

The South Australian Research and Development Institute said on Tuesday its search for “Australia’s ugliest merino lambs” may hold the key to securing the nation’s A$2.8 billion (US$2.1 billion) wool industry. Additional money has been requested to keep Cindy Sheehan out of the country.

The institute said ugly lambs — with uneven wool, strange fibers, clumps of wool that fall out, bare patches, no wool, or highly wrinkled skin — are usually culled by farmers.

“As many as one out of every three sheep are butt ugly,” further elaborated a spokesperson for the Foundation for Beautiful Sheep.

Responding to rumors that her campaign to end the terror and oppression of sheep will likely get her arrested later today, Ms. Sheehan whispered softly, “Now I know how Mickey Mouse feels at Disneyland”

"She's like a herald, waking everybody up," said Tom Matzzie, the Washington director for MoveOn.org.

Asked for a final comment, Ms. Sheehan responded, “Where’s my gawd-damned milkshake. I’m feeling weaker and light in the head.”

####