Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art One-half Banana Stems

Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art One-half Banana Stems - www.kevindayhoff.com Address: PO Box 124, Westminster MD 21158 410-259-6403 kevindayhoff@gmail.com Runner, writer, artist, fire & police chaplain Mindless ramblings of a runner, journalist & artist: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, technology, music, culture, opera... National & International politics www.kevindayhoff.net For community: www.kevindayhoff.org For art, technology, writing, & travel: www.kevindayhoff.com

Showing posts with label Dayhoff erratum reductio ad absurdum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dayhoff erratum reductio ad absurdum. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

The story of the lonely vacuum cleaner



16Jan2019 by Tommy Toaster
This is the story of the lonely vacuum cleaner. 
About how an old and aging vacuum cleaner was left in the “Buzzard’s Crust Big Shed Studio” all alone on Christmas Day. 
What could possibly be meaner?
It missed its friends the electric water heater and the dehumidifier. 
What more can I say.
It had no idea why it was left all alone on Christmas Day – in the dark, and the cold, without its friends.
It missed being in a warm house – with the sounds of children.
Not a creature was stirring – not even a mouse.

++++++++++++++


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10215617272118449&set=a.10203968656950350&type=3&theater 

++++++++++++
Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera...


Carroll County Times: www.tinyurl.com/KED-CCT
Baltimore Sun Carroll Eagle: http://tinyurl.com/KED-Sun
Westminster Fire Dept. and MTA Lodge #20 Chaplain and PIO
Ad maiorem Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem.
The assemblage of this website is from multiple sources - http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/2004/01/the-assemblage-of-this-website-is-from.html

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

How to hang this mirror. April 23, 2013

How to hang this mirror.


April 23, 2013 Kevin E. Dayhoff 

++++++++++++



Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/




New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/


Scribd Kevin Dayhoff: http://www.scribd.com/kdayhoff
Kevin Dayhoff's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/kevindayhoff

Kevin Dayhoff Banana Stems: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/ 

Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ 


Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson: “That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!” - See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf

Wednesday, April 01, 2015

"An empty jar of grape jelly" by Uncle Kevin

An empty jar of grape jelly

April 1, 2015

Yet another in a series of fractured self-help anecdotes of the absurd by Uncle Kevin.

This my friends, is a picture of a Babylon-Dayhoff household emergency – an empty jar of Smucker’s Grape Jelly. 

This is not funny. 

This is worse than a French Toast Emergency – when everyone runs to the grocery store to stock-up on bread, milk, and eggs after the weather forecast predicts snow…

Breathe – Breathe… Count to ten. I’m going to be Okay. Repeat. I am going to okay. This too shall pass.

Buckle up for the most absurd fractured obsessive "narrative therapy" you've ever read

"Vices are ingredients of virtues just as poisons are ingredients of remedies.  Prudence mixes and tempers them and uses them effectively against life's ill."  La Rochefoucauld - Maxims (1665)

Come closer. I mean, can we talk? For you see, I strongly believe that grape jelly is the very thread which holds together the uneasy seams of modern society. Yes, my brethren – grape jelly. Can I get an Amen? Lift your hands into the air brothers and sisters. I’m talking to you here…

It seems only appropriate that we take this time to pay some sort of homage to this humble jar of jelly as it lies vanquished on the kitchen stove.

This must be a teaching moment. I am going to concentrate on the image of the empty jar of grape jelly and realize that this is all my fault.

This all leads me to dig deep inner my inner mind, what’s left of it, and ponder, am I addicted to grape jelly? Is there such a thing as an addiction to grape jelly? I cannot bear to spend a day without a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I am desperately in search of a support group. Perhaps I have achieved a protected class – I can now join the balance of 65 per cent of Americans who are classified as a protected class. Does my employer have to make special accommodations for my addiction?

I guess I must accept the sad facts, I am addicted to grape jelly.

So, now I'm running.  Running as fast as I can. 

I was in the back yard when I first saw it.  Out by the giant lava lamp…

It looks like it's a.... It’s a..... A giant jar of grape jelly hovering over the house.  It is so large that it casts a shadow over all of the house, and beyond. 

It drew even nearer.  I'm running.  Was it going to attack me?  I tripped and fell.  The giant jar of grape jelly drew nearer.  My life flashed before me..... Running away as a child on my tricycle with my teddy bear.  Helping Pop-Pop and my uncles build a barn.  My mother making me draw a pirate over and over and over again for a drawing contest.  Helping Tass Samios at the grocery store.  Helping Dad build a glider swing set.  Building things in my sandbox.  Coach Head congratulating me for recovering a fumble.  Mr. Eaton calling on me in class.  The Marines. Civil rights marches…. Water cannons and police dogs. Seeing Elvis on the farm.  Timmy helping me with the farm house.  Mark, Zachary, Fred…

The giant jar of grape jelly hovered just feet over my head.  It was so close to the ground that it was damaging the roof of the house.  I thought of my home owner's insurance. It protects me from volcanoes - but, but does it cover damage from a giant jar of jelly?  Does it?  Tell me.  Does it?

Ooze resembling jelly started flowing over the edge as it tilted to the left.  The jelly started covering me.  My God, I'm going to die.  Is this a diabolical plot caused by political opponents?  No, that would be a huge pile of manure.  Who caused this?  Why me?  The jelly is covering me.  I'm dying.  I'm dying.  What a way to go!  Why couldn't it be a big bowl of ice cream instead?  I'm dying.... I'm dying..... I'm dying…

I wake up in a cold sweat. Run to the sink and splash some cold water on my face and steel myself for another day without grape jelly. Is there no hope?

Another nightmare about grape jelly!

Didn't Homer say in "The Iliad," that the greatest hoax in life is the hope for safety?

Can we talk?  I need your help!  You see, I'm a victim.  I've finally joined the rest of contemporary American culture and have now become a victim. 


I will repeat this chant over and over:  "Excuses are for losers.  What's the mission?  It's performance that counts.  I am the only one who is ultimately responsible for my life.  Get over it.  Move on.  Say yes to responsibility.


++++++++++++



Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/




New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/


Scribd Kevin Dayhoff: http://www.scribd.com/kdayhoff
Kevin Dayhoff's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/kevindayhoff

Kevin Dayhoff Banana Stems: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/ 

Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ 


Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson: “That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!” - See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf

Monday, September 24, 2012

Occupation writer: Will code HTML for food


20021100 Occupation writer: Will code HTML for food.
November 2002

Occupation writer. Ultimately I am a slave to the masters of the page, the soldiers in my life - words.

“Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed… just do it in private and wash your hands afterwards,” attributed to Robert Heinlein.

“When I stop working the rest of the day is posthumous. I'm only really alive when I'm writing.” Tennessee Williams

I am a mild mannered vacuous unemployable college drop out - a political novice, hilltop hillbilly farmer artist with no leadership skills and decades of unaccounted for time; fighting off the forces of poverty, the intellectually stunted, and the artistically disinclined.

I will code HTML for food.

-->


[20021100 Occupation writer: Will code HTML for food]

 Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/
Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff
Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

Friday, May 22, 2009

It was a perfect day, but the interview did not go well.


It was a perfect day, but the interview did not go well.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

While I was in Princeton New Jersey recently, I found myself walking along Nassau Street across from Princeton University.

It was a beautiful spring day. It was a perfect day - - or as Vivian Laxton would say, “C'est un jour parfait Ă  donner des sĂ©datifs.” (http://tinyurl.com/oh72eo)

The sidewalk was packed with all sorts of interesting folks; so, I thought that I would gather some views on contemporary events from the person in the street.

Hey, these things always go well when Mike Schuh does them.

Well, my experience was not so good.

She had nothing to say.

I can’t imagine what went wrong. I talked at great length about fashion, sports, life in a college town.

I even sang to her: “Oh it’s such a perfect day, I’m glad I spent it with you. Oh such a perfect day, You just keep me hanging on, You just keep me hanging on.

“Just a perfect day, Problems all left alone, Weekenders on our own. It’s such fun.

“Just a perfect day, You made me forget myself. I thought I was someone else, Someone good.”
(http://tinyurl.com/r43u7h)

In return, I got, like, nothing.

Zip. (And, I might add, it was at this point, that my wife did not know me.)

Maybe I need to get some pointers from Bryan Sears or Clifford Cumber.

Maybe I need to grow a beard like Cumber. Sears would’ve nailed it.

I did get some funny looks from some passers-by.


Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: www.kevindayhoff.net http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/
Kevin Dayhoff Art:
www.kevindayhoff.com
Kevin Dayhoff Westminster:
www.westgov.net