Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art One-half Banana Stems

Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art One-half Banana Stems - www.kevindayhoff.com Address: PO Box 124, Westminster MD 21158 410-259-6403 kevindayhoff@gmail.com Runner, writer, artist, fire & police chaplain Mindless ramblings of a runner, journalist & artist: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, technology, music, culture, opera... National & International politics www.kevindayhoff.net For community: www.kevindayhoff.org For art, technology, writing, & travel: www.kevindayhoff.com

Showing posts with label Humor Political. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor Political. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Conservative Acquaintance Annoyingly Not Racist | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Conservative Acquaintance Annoyingly Not Racist | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

NEWS IN BRIEF • Local • ISSUE 50•06 • Feb 11, 2014

http://www.theonion.com/articles/conservative-acquaintance-annoyingly-not-racist,35236/#

"BROOKLYN, NY—Acknowledging that the man’s right-wing views are more nuanced than one might expect, 36-year-old liberal Diana Hardwick confided to reporters Tuesday that her conservative acquaintance Brady Daniels is, quite frustratingly, not racist."

Read more: http://www.theonion.com/articles/conservative-acquaintance-annoyingly-not-racist,35236/#

'via Blog this'
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Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff

Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Franken & Sotomayor Discuss 'Perry Mason' Episodes During Hearing

Franken & Sotomayor Discuss 'Perry Mason' Episodes During Hearing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJNsfXtYgCY



20090715 sdosm YT Franken Sotomayor Discuss Perry Mason
*****

Teleprompter One is down. Code Red Teleprompter one is Down

Thursday, July 10, 2008

20080709 22 ways to be a good Democrat

20080709 22 ways to be a good Democrat

22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

July 9th, 2008

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons technology in the hands of the Iranians, Chinese and North Korea.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14.. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason Socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day ..........but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

Ready to vote???

Humor Political, Politics Democrats and Liberals, Politics Liberal double standards

Sunday, October 07, 2007

20071006 Scrappleface: CIA May Threaten Detainees with Senate Hearings

Scott Ott – Scrappleface: CIA May Threaten Detainees with Senate Hearings



by Scott Ott (2007-10-06)



According a newly-leaked top-secret document published in The New York Times ‘Classified’ section today, the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has employed controversial methods to extract information from terror suspects, including threats to put the detainee in front of a Senate committee for further interrogation.


If true, it means that U.S. agents may be using a technique “tantamount to torture,” an unnamed source told the Times.


“I’ve seen those Senate hearings on TV,” the source said. “I’d rather be waterboarded, slapped about the head and assaulted with high-volume Britney Spears music while confined to a meat locker.




Tuesday, February 20, 2007

20070220 Senator Hillary Clinton sports new look


Senator Hillary Clinton sports new look[1]

February 20th, 2007

Senator Hillary Clinton sports new look – wants to stop by and talk with you.

New York Senator Hillary Clinton, seen here emerging from a tattoo parlor and hair salon on the Air Force Hillary One while sitting on tarmac at LAX, remarks, “What good for Britney is good for me. She’s got no more family values than me and after all, I’m much more shallow that Britney any day of the week.”

####




[1] Darn it, I had worked for much of the morning with the idea of satirizing Senator Hillary Clinton with material from Britney Spears’ latest life-drama. I went out to lunch and had pancakes with Mom for Shrove Tuesday and came back and there, as big as life was the Scott Ott piece. Well, in all candor, Mr. Ott did a better job – and besides I went ahead and copied his bald-headed Senator Clinton and placed it on a Britney Spears photo. I had been in a slightly different direction, but this turned out better, thanks to Mr. Ott. So, with all respect to Mr. Ott, here is the direction in which I was going. For Mr. Ott’s excellent satire – go here or here.

Friday, February 16, 2007

20070216 Nice T shirt


Nice T-shirt

February 16th, 2007

H/t: CJ

An election campaign salute to NY Senator Hillary Clinton

CJ writes, “Where can I get one of these?”

####

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

20061220 ScrappleFace has exclusive video of Zawahiri

ScrappleFace has exclusive video of Zawahiri wishing us a Merry Christmas

ScrappleFace, the source of all news worth our time, has released an exclusive video of Ayman al-Zawahiri, al Qaeda’s second-in-command, wishing us a Merry Christmas. He also treats us to a Bible lesson. He even quotes from my favorite book in the Bible, “Romans.”

Meanwhile, wouldn’t it be wonderful if it were true? As a paradox, one could only imagine how many more converts to Islam would happen if they took the path of peace rather than the sword?

It is must see video…

Al Qaeda No. 2 Releases Christmas Video by Scott Ott

(2006-12-20) — Ayman al-Zawahiri, al Qaeda’s second-in-command, today released his Christmas video through Al Jazeera TV.



####

Friday, September 22, 2006

20060921 KDDC Unhinged Maryland Democrats behaving badly




“MD Senate President Mike Miller, aka the “Silver Fox” can punch.

– He’s a contender”

September 21, 2006 © Kevin Dayhoff

MD Senate President Mike Miller allegedly punches opponent supporter

The WBAL radio web site is carrying a story that A Prince George's County developer is accusing Maryland Senate President Mike Miller of punching him:”

I got a phone yesterday (Wednesday) evening that at a land-use hearing in southern Maryland - Maryland Senate President Thomas V. Mike Miller Jr. (D-Calvert and Prince George’s Cos.) took offense at an individual’s verbal support of the President Miller’s opponent and it was alleged that he hauled-off and punched him.

I appreciated the tip (from a very reliable source,) however, I held back with the blaze-on fingers at the keyboard because of the serious nature of the mere suggestion of an act of violence by none-other than the president of the Maryland Senate. If that really happened, it is a serious miss-step on the part of our Maryland Senate president. One of many in the last year or so.

Before you draw any conclusions, bear in mind that this will undoubtedly quickly become a “he said – she said.”

And true to form, as I scoured for addition news reports on the incident, early Thursday afternoon, the Baltimore Sun has come riding-in to the rescue. In their version of the story, “Miller said the charges are "absolutely, unequivocally" not true.”

Advancing age allows me to recognize political silliness when I see it and when nonsense like this blazes across my computer screen, I look for reliable sources. Not included on that list when it comes to politics is the Baltimore Sun. I’ve been there and got the t-shirt.

Many of the Sun’s business writers, arts, … and many of the other features of the paper, I can read and enjoy. However, I take whatever the Sun’s political writers say with a grain of salt and plenty of collateral reading before I draw any conclusions.

To that end, one writer I have followed for a number of years, S. A. Miller of the Washington Times also reported exculpatory information: “Mr. (Mike) Miller's spokeswoman, however, said nothing happened. ‘It's not true,’ Lisa McMurray said last night. ‘I don't know what to tell you.’”

Well, I know what to tell ya. Considering the erratic behavior of the Senate president in the last year, many are going to be predisposed to believe that President Miller has become unglued.

Meanwhile, as this latest Sumu wrestling match plays itself out, the fracas needs to moved to the side of the road while potential leadership in the state sticks to the real issues that affect the average voter at the family dinner table. Politicians behaving badly rains on everyone’s parade, no matter what party.

Which brings us to one more thing, before the humor begins.

For Pete’s sake, one can easily characterize the behavior of a number of the members of Maryland’s Democratic leadership as exhibiting the behavior of a two-year old in a high chair throwing food. But, whatever your politics, no-one wants to believe that the president of the Maryland Senate really physically struck someone – anyone, for that matter.

The once proud Maryland General Assembly is already the laughing stock of the nation. However, as much as any of us can mutter under their breath that the august institution deserves that accolade, ultimately, such a characterization of Maryland’s lawmaking body is a reflection upon all of us and eventually, inevitably, all of us are hurt by the Maryland General Assembly’s recent lapses in judgment and childish behavior.

Anyway the Sun reports that it is all a misunderstanding. The paper managed to dig up additional information and reports, “Yates Clagett, who works for the Prince George's County Soil Conservation District and attended the meeting, said” President Miller was just playing with the alleged victim, a developer, Leo Bruso of Land and Commercial Incorporated.

However, for those of us who have read the Sun for years, we have certainly never-ever witnessed the Sun only tell part of the story or engage in selective quotation to promulgate a liberal-biased point of view. Of course not.

None of the other publications that have covered the story have provided extensive exculpatory information. One only wishes that the Baltimore Sun would work as hard to find “the rest of the story,” when it reports upon the activities of Republicans.

As far as the alleged boxing match incident with President Slugger Miller (aka Slugger,) one cannot be everywhere to witness the random acts of violence that are the foundation of Maryland politics. But usually, these days, the violence is only verbal. But how many of us would have paid good money to have been there for a ring-side seat to see the Senate president once again come unhinged?

Hopefully we have come a long way since the election riots of 1856 in Baltimore City. These days the only “riots” are of the verbal and parliamentary variety in the Maryland General Assembly.

I mean, everyone is aware that politics in Maryland is often referred to as a “blood contact sport,” however; this is to be understood as a euphemism to explain how seriously folks in the Old Line State take issues of governance and the promulgation of public policy.

I usually like to refer to politics in Maryland as a Sumu wrestling match between big heavy sweaty guys in diapers, grunting loudly and hugging each other to the mat. Now that leaves you with an endless possibility of visuals, doesn’t it?

Only apparently it is being alleged that President Miller didn’t get the memo - that we can take our politics seriously but we’re not supposed to actually “contact” one another in a public discourse.

Sticks and stones can break your bones but words will never hurt you.

Allegedly, President Miller is finished with the hurtful words and is now “taking off the gloves” to duke it out with his opponents.

It has not been a good year for President Miller. All the warning signs have been evident for those of us who are trained to recognize the potential of a person to resort to violence.

Then in the same article, Baltimore Mayor Martin O’Malley picked up the rhetoric by saying: “‘The Democratic Party’s message has become clearer with every passing year with the failures of the Ehrlich administration,’ O’Malley said. ‘’We are prepared for battle.’”


Surely, the fit and buff soft-spoken mayor did not expect his lieutenants to put up their dukes?


But the Gazette writers then warned Governor Ehrlich and Maryland’s Lt. Gov. Michael Steele that violence loomed when they wrote: “… Miller’s comments in The (Baltimore) Sun that Dems would shoot down high-flying GOP members and bury the GOP ‘face down.’ We’re going to put them in the ground, and it’ll be 10 years before they crawl out again,’ quoth the Silver Fox. Miller looked chagrined at having his words repeated, and laughed off the remarks as being directed at Bob Ehrlich and Mike Steele, not Senate Republicans.”


President Slugger Miller’s quotes were subsequently ubiquitously posted on the second floor of the Maryland State House.


On January 23rd, 2006, Jon Ward wrote a Washington Times piece, “Miller’s words fire up rivals,” which reflected: “Mr. Miller said Thursday that he knew his quote was put on the doors on the second floor. But he said he didn't think he had given Republicans any extra motivation. "They don't need motivation," Mr. Miller said. "They're Kool-Aid drinkers."


Well apparently in addition to Kool-Aid, any opponent that crosses President Slugger Miller’s path may also need smelling salts.


In the same article by Jon Ward: “Lenny Alcivar, Mr. Steele's campaign spokesman, said his office was aware of Mr. Miller's quote. ‘think it's safe to say that given the broad support that the lieutenant governor and the governor are clearly showing and given the feedback from Marylanders ... [Mr. Miller] will wake up one day soon and regret that lapse in judgment,’ Mr. Alcivar said.”


Perhaps the day that President Slugger Miller woke up to regret those words was earlier this morning. Meanwhile there is no confirmation that President Miller is awaked to the theme song from the Sylvester Stallone movie series, “Rocky.” One can just see President Slugger Miller in front of the mirror in the morning, repeating to himself, “I’m a contender. I’m a contender,” as he shadow boxes his way to some orange juice, yogurt and toast.


And speaking of toast there have been many whispers in the hallways that Senate president’s longstanding run may be coming to a close. Chances are that Anne Arundel voters will return President Miller to the Senate as they have for the past “31 years, 19 of them as Senate president.” (S. A. Miller, Washington Times, Sept. 21, 2006)


However, many believe that it is time for the Senate president to retire. It is looking like there will be some changes in the Democratic make-up of the Senate for the next legislative session and whispers in the hallway are that folks want a change. The courts have overturned several legislative initiatives of the Democratic leadership in the last several months and many voters are having conversations over the kitchen table and the backyard fence that all the anti-gubernatorial gotcha obstructionism and partisan politics are getting old.


President Mike Miller – oh he’s a contender all right – for retirement.

Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster Maryland USA. E-mail him at: kdayhoff@carr.org www.thetentacle.com Westminster Eagle Opinion and Winchester Report www.thewestminstereagle.com www.kevindayhoff.com

Miller – Md Senate Pres. Thomas V. Mike Miller

Humor Political, Miller – Md. Sen. Pres. Mike Miller, Maryland General Assembly Opera, Art,

“MD Senate President Mike Miller, aka the “Silver Fox” can punch.

– He’s a contender”

20060921 SDOSM Unhinged Maryland Democrats behaving badly

20060921 KDDC Unhinged Maryland Democrats behaving badly

20060921 NBH Unhinged Maryland Democrats behaving badly


Thursday, August 17, 2006

20060816 Vota for Mona


“Vota for Mona”

© Kevin Dayhoff

August 16th, 2006


This is the season for signs.


Recently your intrepid blogger found this group of signs at Main Street and the railroad tracks in Westminster MD.


Mystery surrounds just what Ms. Mona Lisa is running for.


In a related matter, we asked Westminster’s administrator of economic development, Stanta Ruchlewicz, about the economic impact of the Carroll County election season. “Well, ya know, it brings dollars into downtown Westminster,” remarked Mr. Ruchlewicz. “Recently it is about the only thing that’s happening in these parts.”


Asked if he knew just what office Ms. Lisa was running for, Mr. Ruchlewicz responded, “Don’t know. Don’t really care as long as the mysterious sign brings money into Westminster. It’s kinda neat, if I may say so myself.”


Jeff Glass, Westminster’s assistant director for parks, buildings, streets, water, wastewater, kitchen sinks, development review, planning, fly swatters, public works, utilities maintenance and the soundtrack division of old silent movies said, “It’s like a Norman Rockwell moment. America at its best.”


Asked how long the sign for Ms. Lisa has been at the intersection, “Don’t know. Been kinda busy recently,” remarked the assistant director for parks, buildings, streets, water, wastewater, kitchen sinks, development review, planning, fly swatters, public works, fleet management, kite flying, road sign, grass clippings removal, utilities maintenance and the soundtrack division of old silent movies.


Marianne Sheehan, the administrative assistant for the assistant director for parks, buildings, streets, water, wastewater, kitchen sinks, development review, planning, fly swatters, public works, fleet management, kite flying, road sign, grass clippings removal, utilities maintenance, letters and art, heavy metal music and the soundtrack division of old silent movies, remarked that the sign “looked good in that location and that it went well with the overall ambiance of downtown Westminster.”


Wayne Reifsnider, the assistant superintendent for streets, buildings, and parks said, “Well, ya know… Well, it’s a free country and people have a right to put up signs on private property, ya know. But I don’t know, ya know. Then on the other hand, well, ya know, it’s a neat sign and I just do my job. Mind my own business, ya know. Well, I best be moving along. See ya.”


More on this developing story as it unravels.

Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster Maryland USA. E-mail him at: kdayhoff@carr.org www.thetentacle.com Westminster Eagle Opinion and Winchester Report www.thewestminstereagle.com www.kevindayhoff.com has moved to http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/

Friday, January 10, 2003

20030110 The Difference between Republicans & Democrats

The Difference between Republicans & Democrats

January 10th, 2003

I did NOT write this but it is beautiful - - and informative…

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican’s pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.

Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats.

####

20030110 The Difference between Republicans & Democrats

The Difference between Republicans & Democrats

January 10th, 2003

I did NOT write this but it is beautiful - - and informative…

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican’s pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.

Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats.

####

Wednesday, February 10, 1999

19990210 The Bronze Rat

The Bronze Rat
(Note: I did NOT write this although I sure wish I had…)
February 10, 1999

A tourist wanders into a back-alley shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars for the story behind it."

"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm.

As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall in step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.

By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. Multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.

Making a mighty leap, he jumps onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

"Ah, so you have come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.

"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze Democrat."

####

19990210 The Bronze Rat

The Bronze Rat
(Note: I did NOT write this although I sure wish I had…)
February 10, 1999

A tourist wanders into a back-alley shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars for the story behind it."

"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm.

As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall in step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.

By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. Multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.

Making a mighty leap, he jumps onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

"Ah, so you have come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.

"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze Democrat."

####