“For Christmas this year, my family adopted a young bearded dragon lizard as a pet.
“Our dragon, whom we named Holly, eats a lot, and the thing she loves to eat most is crickets (typically about 10 a day, in addition to other things like mealworms and vegetables). From the get-go, I knew that keeping an ample supply of crickets on hand would require some planning. We live in a rural area of northwestern Minnesota. The closest pet shop is an hour away, in North Dakota. Restocking our cricket supply would require a time commitment of at least two hours out and back.
Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera...
Or - Mary Katherine
Ham to Alicia Silverstone: Go Hunting
October 3rd,
2007 by Kevin E. Dayhoff
Although I have spent a large portion of my life as a
vegetarian; as I grew older and life got particularly hectic, I gave it up –
for now anyway. Who knows, tomorrow, I may go back. Whatever.
A number of years ago, as I was attempting to reason with an
unreasonable person and losing miserably, a colleague said to me:
“You know what your problem is?”
“Ugh.” I really did not need advice at that particular moment;
however, I prized his friendship and sheepishly asked: “What?”
“It's a dog eat dog world out there, and you're a
vegetarian!"
We solved that by going out to a sub shop where I gave up the
anorexic bliss of salads and voraciously scarfed down a cheese-steak sandwich.
It was a road to Damascus experience
I still lose miserably with folks who accept narcissistic
fiction as fact, however, I am bigger now, and I figure that if I am to eaten
alive, I might as well give folks a flavorful super-sized meal.
Then again, to be candid, I was never good at being a
vegetarian. I never stopped eating animal crackers and every once and awhile at
Moms, I’d dive into a steak – and I can rarely remember missing turkey at
Thanksgiving.
I have a number of colleagues and some family members who
are, at the moment, practicing vegetarians - and I respect that choice. Besides,
I really like vegetables. Then there are folks who don’t like vegetables or are
otherwise broccoli intolerant. To them I say, ya really ought to “give peas a
chance.”
A member of my family, who is an avid vegetarian, recently
gave some seafood a try. Bold.
Then again, writing for the Washington Post, Joel Achenbach
says that:
“Certain
kinds of seafood, such as lobster, clams, and crabs, are honorary forms of
meat, but a small filet of a low-fat white fish should be viewed as essentially
a vegetable. Raw oysters are manfood, as is any fish served with the head on
and the mouth gaping in horror.
Me, I could live off of Dr. Pepper, coffee and grits. Hey,
don’t knock the cooking with Dr. Pepper book. There are some great recipes in
there.
I never tried the “vegan” approach. I often wondered how the
term came about. When I was quite young I had a great deal of confusion over
the term “vegetarian.” If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians
eat?
Mr. Achenbach calls to our attention a savior for vegans,
who every once in awhile, go Jonesing for a milkshake – “soy cows.”
In the column he was initially singing the praises of his
new “Fabulator 5000.”
What is a “Fabulator 5000?” I am so glad you asked. I was
fascinated about this development since I am still using the Fabulator model
No. 1953.
I’ll let Mr. Achenbach ‘splain:
“I
love my new food printer, the Fabulator 5000, which makes the previous food
printers look not just clunky but positively medieval. There's no more
click-and-point nonsense on the screen, no more waiting five or six
interminable minutes for the food to print. You just tell the Fab 5 what you
want. The food comes out in about three or four seconds, complete with garnish
and a complementary wine.”
Oh, the “soy cows?” Apparently Mr. Achenbach recently “took
the kids … to Homewood Farm to see a good old-fashioned agricultural
enterprise…”
“I got a look at the new soy
cows, grazing in the large field just north of the orchard. The USDA apparently
felt that soy milk could be produced much more efficiently if it came from cows
made of soy. These cows are so green they nearly blend into the landscape. They
say the soy milk is a lot better tasting (not as beany, somehow) than the stuff
derived from plants, and the soy burgers are more tender. But you've probably
read about how the soy cows dry up badly in drought conditions -- they
literally wilt -- and even catch fire. Bored teenagers have been blamed for
setting some of the cow fires.”
There is much to be appreciated by the vegetarian lifestyle;
nevertheless my goal was to not be evangelical about it all.
But – and ya know there was going to be a “but” in here soon
– I’ve never been fond of PETA’s Strindbergian
gloom and bleakness approach to advocacy.
When I was a practicing vegetarian, invariably, some folks
would suggest some linkage to me, a vegetarian, with PETA’s in-your-face
humorless lactose intolerant militancy which often seems more oriented to being
obnoxious and annoying than being compelling a persuasive to what is otherwise,
a perfectly fine lifestyle.
At a local government - social event, a local elected
official’s wife was horrified that I was a vegetarian. “How can a big strapping
former Marine be a vegetarian,” she gasped.
I solved that in quick order. She was a dog lover and the
owner of a huge St. Bernard. I mean huge – about the size of a water buffalo.
I asked her if she had ever eaten dog. When I was in the
Marines, a South Vietnamese ranger once cooked-up a mess of dog.
It tasted like chicken.
I suggested to my scowling friend that her St. Bernard could
feed an entire village… And one wonders why I lost my last election?
Recently Alicia Silverstone did an ad for PETA that has garnered
a garnered a great deal of attention. I can’t believe that it is winning over
any converts to vegetarianism, but it has attracted attention to PETA.
Whether it is really the sort of attention that an advocacy
organization wants is a bigger issue for which there is not right or wrong, it
just isn’t my cup of tea.
Nevertheless, in age
of so much strife and discord, I yearn
for a time when peas will rule the planets, and love won’t be such a fuss. I
long for the dawn of the age of asparagus.
Enter stage right, Mary Katherine Ham. Ms. Ham has done a
spoof on the Ms. Silverstone ad that is a real crack-up.
Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art,
artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists
and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem
Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson:
“That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!”
- See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf
Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art,
artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists
and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem
Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson:
“That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!”
- See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf
Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art,
artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists
and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem
Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson:
“That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!”
- See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf
I love #6… #5 is also really important. But #4 has always
made me wonder.
Is there anything else to add?
The image is attributed to www.writerswrite.co.za. A big thanks
to www.writerswrite.co.za - which
is, fascinatingly enough, a website that offers writing classes in South
Africa. What a great idea. Sign me up for a class. And btw, the website is really
good. Check it out.
Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art,
artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists
and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem
Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson:
“That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!”
- See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf
"BROOKLYN, NY—Acknowledging that the man’s right-wing views are more nuanced than one might expect, 36-year-old liberal Diana Hardwick confided to reporters Tuesday that her conservative acquaintance Brady Daniels is, quite frustratingly, not racist."
May 28, 1997 Giant Lava Lamp
discovered on Kevin Dayhoff’s farm
Kevin E. Dayhoff Buzzard’s Crust Farm
Press
Release - For immediate Publication May 28, 1997
Excavations
on Kevin Dayhoff’s farm in Patapsco confirm the early development of a Giant
Lava Lamp.
Recently, while tilling his
wife Caroline’s vegetable garden, Mr. Kevin Dayhoff discovered traces of a
Giant Lava Lamp on his farm in Patapsco, Maryland. Mr. Dayhoff was quite excited at this
discovery, and called the Patapsco Daily
Herald Bugle immediately with the news.
According to Mr. Dayhoff, in
ancient Patapsco folklore, a Giant Lava Lamp was once the focal point of an
ancient Patapscoian religion, which has persistently been rumored to still be
secretly practiced in the hills of Patapsco.
In this ancient religion,
every residence maintained an altar, centered on a gazing ball, many of which
can still be found in the area. This
gazing ball altar was used to communicate with the spirit of the Great Lava
Lamp Father who resided in the Temple of the Great Lava Lamp.
Pink Flamingoes, which are
indigenous to the Patapsco area, were considered to be the messenger bird of
the Great Lava Lamp Father. Pink
Flamingoes are now on the endangered species list and, where their nests of
inverted tractor tires are found, by law they cannot be disturbed.
It is hoped that further
excavations will provide insight into the culture of the Carthaginians who
settled Patapsco after the Third Punic War in 206 BC. The archeologists are curious if the Great
Lava Lamp religion is something that the Carthaginians brought over with them
or if it was a religion of the Petapsqui tribe of Native Americans known to
have inhabited the Patapsco area, or perhaps a mixture of both. As further research develops we will keep you
informed.
Beautiful and incredible images from the latest batch of
photographs sent back from the Mars Curiosity rover.
First color photos sent home from Mars
Breaking news – August 22, 2012 - “After two weeks of taking
stock of its surroundings, the Mars Curiosity rover has taken its first ‘baby
steps’ and sent back images of its first tracks ...,” according to various
media sources.
And the first images are simply stunning. The slogan, in the
middle of the large banner, is written in Southern Martian, an old dialect on
the red planet. “Yankee Imperialist Go Home”
means “Yankee Imperialist Go Home.”
Several really neat members of my family are getting married next spring. And me – the artist uncle, has been making some really helpful suggestions throughout the wedding preparations…
I mean, advancing age allows me the wisdom of having the memories of a number of memorable weddings.
(One of the most memorable was at the top of the World Trade Twin Towers in New York…)
Anyway, I came across a great idea for a thematic wedding. What better than a Klingon Wedding.
Whadda ya think. I mean it’s just a really helpful suggestion.
Ah - - you wouldn’t have to do the actual ceremony in the Klingon language. Then again, that might be a great idea.
Anyone know of a pastor or a rabbi who speaks Klingon?
OoooKaaay. I’ll just get back to work here now that I have been so helpful.
Before you return from your business trip, I just want you to know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Christopher Ingraham – Washington Post: “I ordered a box of crickets…”
