
My Locational Whereabouts
   
  Kevin E. Dayhoff
  Westminster, MD 21158
  ______________________
   
  Saturday, March 20, 1999
   
  Commander Kay Church, Receptionist
  225 North   Center Street
  Westminster, MD 21157-5194
  410.386.2102
   
  Dear Commander Kay, 
   
  Oh!, Ah, ummmm, Kay - It seems that I’m lost. Recently, I seem to have been dropped off the office building radar screen - on my head. I’ve gone off to find me. If you should happen to find me, could you please tell me where it is that I am. Right now, I may be losing, but I’m making record time. 
   
  Meanwhile, please hold all my calls, should I ever again be found on the County Staff reorganized organizational chart, other than under a rock,  face down in Longwell Run desperately hugging a bunny with a clump of unopened resignation letters  waded up in my mouth. If Hillary Clinton calls, take a message. 
   
  If you should find me aimlessly wondering about the halls of the office building, with a shell shock look about my unshaven face, staggering, stuttering, slobbering and muttering to myself, please direct me to safety; - preferably someplace where chocolate covered doughnuts can be found. 
   
  Should you, ever hear a voice similar to mine, disseminating from the close proximity of a pounding sound on the inside a trash truck, would you please consider stopping the truck and saving me from the landfill?
   
  In case I am ultimately ground up into veggie burger and fed to the bog turtles, allow me to share with you what a pleasure it has been to serve under you. Thanks !
   
  Sincerely yours,
   
  Uncle Kevin 
   
  Remember Kay, always keep your salad shooter at the ready!!
   
  Carroll County Commissioners, Environmentalism EAAB - Carroll County Environmental Affairs Advisory Board, Art literature of the absurd,